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Saturday, July 17, 2004
01. I'm single.
02. I love the color blue.
03. Shopping is FUN!
04. I love Rent!
05. I think gay marriage should be approved.
06. I'm obsessed with musical theater.
07. I enjoy scrapbooking.
08. I love the color pink.
09. I love to wear sandals.
10. I LOVE hugs.
11. I like to take pictures.
12. I am a blonde.
13. I like root beer.
14. I love to drink water.
15. I'm an drama queen.
16. I love dark chocolate.
17. My best friend is exactly like me. (one of then at least...)
18. I'm going to New York soon.
19. I love Finding Nemo.
20. I love going to concerts.
21. I'm going to the Tony awards.
22. I need to apply myself more.
23. I know that I need more sleep.
24. I hate needles.
25. I would never get a tattoo.
26. I'm taking piano lessons.
27. I love Reese's!
28. I'm going to be a sophmore.
29. I always take showers.
30. I love to swim.
31. I want to travel.
33. I hate being bored.
34. I'm too lazy! Well sometimes...
35. I love to watch Friends.
36. I love American Idol.
37. I'd rather have a small group of close friends than a large group of friends that I didn't know all that well.
38. I want to go to Northwestern University.
39. I'm in chorus at school.
40. Getting new things is always fun.
41. I love giving gifts.
42. I enjoy recieving them as well.
43. I'm loud in some classes and quiet in others.
44. I love watching films.
45. I am very crazy at times.
46. I love massages.
47. I make money by performing in musicals.
48. I hate social studies.
49. I like aol.
50. I love using the computer.
51. I think too much.
52. Math is useless.
53. I love to write and type random things.
54. I eat too much junk food.
55. Moulin Rouge makes me cry.
56. My favorite movie is Waiting for Guffman.
57. I have a sister.
58. I like to sing.
59. I also like to act.
60. I want to be famous!
61. I have a GPA of 4.0.
62. I scare people sometimes.
63. I love the Disney Channel.
64. I hate it when people judge others.
65. I love watching tv.
66. I miss Boy Meets World.
67. I'm so mad/sad about the Rent movie.
68. I've been to every American Idol concert.
69. I go to Ravinia all the time.
70. I'm listening to Radio AOL.
71. I love listening to music.
72. I like to read.
73. I have blue eyes.
74. I love wearing skirts.
75. I love pets.
76. I love ice cream.
77. I hate school.
78. I like to talk.
79. Guys are confusing
.80. I love the 80s.
81. I'd love to have the money to buy things for people for no reason at all.
82. I love the 90s.
83. I enjoy being single.
84. I love Ed Debevics.
85. I want to live in NYC.
86. I wake up at 5 on school days.
87. I would love to visit the Mall of America.
88. I already went through braces.
89. I love shopping at Kohls.
90. I always listen to music in the car.
91. I hate when people are mean.
92. If I leave my hair to dry it goes curly.
93. I don't like pop music.
94. I'd do anything for my friends.
95. I live for the summer.
96. My hero is Jonathan Larson.
97. I love both of my parents.
98. My sign is Aries.
99. I hate Hillary Duff.
100. I love recieving e-mail's/ims/Blog Comments
Posted at 6:36 am by lxldeadwingslxl
Monday, July 12, 2004
this was written at 137am on july 12 2004
to a degree, i believe, at some point, i've been addicted to everything i've ever done and anyone i've ever known. it is painful, it is scary and it gives you a sort of rush at the same time. i guess i have an 'addictive' personality. see, i don't mean obsessed-stalker addiction. more like, i need this/this person to survive. i honestly do not know which is worse.
many of these addictions die down very quickly, more like a phase. a bit like 'instant rehab' or something. i would say, as of this second, i'm addicted to 7 things. 7 things that are prominent in my life, because of course, my life is riddled with countless, lesser addictions such as writing, art and music. 4 of these are people. 3 are very unhealthy. the people are my closest friends, you know, people i actually trust.
i guess you could say that i'm addicted to trust, as well. once i find it somewhere, i need to come back to it. i've been deprived of this simple quality in so many people and things, it's like a treasure when i do find it. usually, that wears thin easily and i use up trust in people like there's no tomorrow. i'm also quick (i'm talking weeks) to revoke trust in people and hopefully find someone else.
as for the other 3, don't even get me started, you'd probably end up hating me. believe me, i'm coming to terms with everything. slowly but surely. please don't worry...
it is as if i am a junkie, and these things or people are my drugs. it is, in itself, a sick weird thing...i see it clearly though. i don't try to place blame for any of this because, ultimately it is my fault, but if you really wanted to... you could blame mental factors - i'm borderline and sort of bi polar. you could blame insecurities on my part - got plenty of those. you could even go so far as to blame the people in my life, but i like to think that they're the ones holding me back from the edge. it is all me.
i'm not exactly sure why i felt the need to write all this but i know i've been thinking about it for a while. maybe, now that it's on paper - not just some of my already over abundant thoughts - i can begin to try and work it out. thanks for reading, if you even got this far...
Posted at 3:51 pm by lxldeadwingslxl
Friday, July 09, 2004
FIRSTS
First best friend: Sarah
First car: i dont drive yet :(
First real kiss: 7th grade
First break-up: 7th grade
First screen name: highlow45
First self purchased album: all saints
First funeral: my great grandpa, when i was 7
First pets: a cat and a dog
First piercing/tattoo: ears when i was 5 months old
First credit card: pffft...who needs those?
First true love: Sean when I was 13.
First enemy: this girl Jacqueline who slapped me in the face in kindergarden. i hit her back.
First big trip: colorado when i was 11 months old.
First music you remember hearing in your house: the ramones and the sex pistols
LASTS
Last cigarette: like, a week ago
Last car ride: yesterday, home from a funeral
Last kiss: a while ago
Last good cry: about 2 weeks ago
Last library book: a million little pieces - james frey
Last movie seen: i don't even remember
Last beverage drank: water
Last food consumed: a half a cookie
Last crush: jesse
Last phone call: nicky
Last time showered: yesterday
Last shoes worn: old lady chinese grandma shoes
Last item bought: small peanut butter italian ice
Last annoyance: my sister when she unrolled all the TP about 15 minutes ago
Last time wanting to die: about 3 months ago
Last time scolded: 2 nights ago
r e l a t i o n s h i p s
01. who are your best friends? erin, renee and nicky
02. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? no
f a s h i o n | s t u f f
01. where is your favorite place to shop? XXI, Contempo and AE
02. any tattoos or piercings? 4 on my ears, belly, tongue
s p e c i f i c s
01. do you do drugs? hhaah, who doesn't?
02. what kind of shampoo do you use? matrix biolage i think
03. what are you most scared of? nothing...
04. what are you listening to right now? garbage - shut your mouth
05. who is the last person that called you? nicky
06. where do you want to get married? in VEGAS baby haha. i dunno
07. how many buddies are online right now? 43
08. what would you change about yourself? my face, my body, my addictions and my obsessiveness
f a v o r i t e s
01. color: light pink, brown, olive green / pink, black, red
02. food: orbit gum, french fries, salad
03. boys' names: jason, brody, brett, korey
04. girls' names: gia, brody, annalie (pro: anna-lee)
05. subjects in school: art, english/creative writing
06. animals: black panther, tiger
08. perfume: light blue by D&G, allure by chanel, chance by chanel, devine by victoria's secret
09. cologne: cool water
h a v e | y o u | e v e r
01. given anyone a bath? my little sister
02. smoked? yes
03. bungee jumped? neh
04. made yourself throw up? yes
05. skinny dipped? yes
06: ever been in love? i guess
07. made yourself cry to get out of trouble? yea! (me n elliot and that pregnant lady)
08. pictured your crush naked? yea! who hasn't?
09. actually seen your crush naked? neh and probably never will, save for the off chance that we're at a crazy drunken party together and he decides to do a striptease
10. cried when someone died? yes (RIP Lynn)
11. lied: yes
12. fallen for your best friend? yes
13. been rejected? yes
14. rejected someone? yes
15. used someone? neh
16. done something you regret? i've done things, but nothing i regret. "at the time it's what you wanted."
a r e | y o u
understanding: usually
open-minded: yes
arrogant: yeah
insecure: all the time
interesting: i dont think so, but some people say differently
hungry: neh
smart: yes, suprisingly
moody: yes
hardworking: if i want to be
organized: to myself i am, most people don't agree
healthy: probably not
shy: sometimes
active: sometimes
bored easily: haha i entertain myself.
responsible: usually
obsessed: with what? yea i probably am.
angry: in general? yes. right now? no.
disapointed: sometimes
happy: most of the time
hyper: sometimes
trusting/trushworthy: not alot/yes
talkative: sometimes
legal: neh
w h o | d o | y o u | w a n n a
kill: some people at school
slap: i'm not sure
get high with: RENEE!!! n nicky..but she dont sway that way anymore. ohh and russ
look like: a mix of brody and angelina jolie. i'll have babies with johnny depp. they will be hawt.
talk to offline: um...no one right now. maybe elliot
talk to online: renee, nicky, elliot
talk to in person: renee
n u m b e r
of times i have had my heart broken: once
of hearts i have broken: 0 i think
of guys i've kissed: 4
of girls i've kissed: 2
of continents i have lived in: one
of tight friends: about 6
of cds i own: about 50 or 60
of scars on my body: too many...
Posted at 4:21 pm by lxldeadwingslxl
Monday, June 21, 2004
hey boy take a look at me, let me dirty up your mind...
i'll strip away your hard veneer and see what i can find
the queerest of the queer, the stragest of the strangest of the strange
the coldest of the cool, the lamest of the lame
the numbest of the dumb, i hate to see you here
you choke behind a smile, a fake behind the fear
the queerest of the queer...
this is what he pays me for, i'll show you how it's done...
you learn to love the pain you feel, like father like son
the queerest of the queer, hide inside your head
the blindest of the blindest, the deadest of the dead
you're hungry cause you starve, while holding back the tears
choking on your smile, a fake behind the fear
the queerest of the queer...
i know what's good for you, you can touch me if you want
i know you're dying to, you can touch me if you want
i know what's good for you, you can touch me if you want
but you can't stop...
the queerest of the queer, the strangest of the strange
the coldest of the cool, you're nothing special here
a fake behind the fear, the queerest of the queer...
i know what's good for you, i know you're dying to
i know what's good for you, i bet you're dying to
you can touch me if you want, you can touch me if you want
you can touch me, you can touch me
but you can't stop...
Posted at 4:17 pm by lxldeadwingslxl
Posted at 9:44 am by lxldeadwingslxl
Thursday, June 17, 2004
to everyone who reads this, i am way more fucked up than you know. please forgive me.
Posted at 3:40 pm by lxldeadwingslxl
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
hey, just to clear up any unfortunate misunderstandings...
<steve weynand and everyone who's being a dick like him> I AM NOT A CRACK HEAD, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE(s). the funny this is that like, i was really nice to this kid, and we had a few serious conversations last summer. and now he's going around telling people I smoke rock. oooook.
<everyone else> I STILL NEED $25
Posted at 1:58 pm by lxldeadwingslxl
this is the glory. gonna drag you way down. yea, you wanna go home soon?
good god almighty, what the fuck happened to you.
i'm not red white and blue. outta mind, outta sight. everyday and all night.
i watch your pale ass on the street, i watch you walk on thru.
then she went glassy, a sawn off tragedy. a delieverance of city
a new beginning, power and glory in the name of the enemy.
you sell your restless casuality for power and glory.
god almighty, what the fuck happened to you.
i'm not red white and blue. outta mind, outta sight. everyday and all night.
i watch your pale ass on the street, i watch you walk on thru this hate
do i miss you, do i miss you, do i miss you at all i don't miss you at all
i said god almighty, what the fuck happened to you?
fuck you oh fuck you fuck you
Posted at 1:41 pm by lxldeadwingslxl
Monday, June 14, 2004
i called renee, i think she was pissed. sorry renee
Posted at 7:13 pm by lxldeadwingslxl
you see the cripple dance
pay your money, baby,
now's your chance
eyes like cyanide...
i am so dumb, just beam me up
i've had it all forever, i've had enough
remember, you promised me
i'm dying, i'm dying, please
i want to, i need to be
under your skin
our love is quicksand, so easy to drown
they steal the gravity from moving ground
remember, you promised me
i'm dying, i'm dying, please
i want to, i need to be
under your skin
and now i understand
you leave with everything
you leave with everything i am
withering
and now i know that love is dead
you've come to bury me
there's nothing left here to pretend
anything
remember, you promised me
i'm dying, i'm dying, please
i want to, i need to be
under your skin
Posted at 4:53 pm by lxldeadwingslxl
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-Eyes Like Cyanide-
[tiff.15.girl.dancer.bitch.artist]
[run.draw.read.sleep.dream]
Bands/Artists That Are Sex:
Courtney Love/Hole, The Distillers, Fiona Apple, Bif Naked, Ani DiFranco, Lacuna Coil, Evanescence, Alanis, Pink, No Doubt, Coheed & Cambria, Bjork, Nelly Furtado, Nikka Costa, Tori Amos, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Powder (CA band), Verve Pipe, TBS, Finch, Ben Folds, Counting Crows, Jewel, Joan Jett, Janet Jackson, Kill Hannah, Lit, Madonna, Senses Fail, Smile Empty Soul, Story of the Year, 3 Days Grace.
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